


The Best I Never Had

by Erbodd



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 22:50:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5644699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erbodd/pseuds/Erbodd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn is sleeping. Poe is worried. A lot.</p><p>Fluff story with very implied relationship between Finn and Poe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Best I Never Had

Poe was sitting next to the sleeping body of Finn, his chest waving up and down being the only sign that he was still alive. For longer than he dared to count, he had been spending most of his time there. He was unable to focus on anything else and he knew it impacted on his duties to the resistance. Somehow, he couldn't care less.

The door slid open and the worried face of the general showed up.

"I knew I would find you here."

He got up to his feet and greeted her properly.

"You needed something from me, general?

-Please, sit down, I need to have a serious conversation with you, Poe Dameron."

Her tone left no doubt on her intentions, so he obeyed while she brought a chair for herself and sat down in front of him. She then looked deep into his eyes and reached to grab both of his hands.

"Do you know how long you have been practically living here?

-I don't really know... A few days maybe?

-It has been almost a month."

This revelation came as a shock. He really had lost track of time.

"Everybody is worried about you. You eat only when someone brings you something, you almost don't sleep, and you have neglected your duties."

She looked down behind him where BB-8 was standing, its head towards the ground, unusually motionless.

"Even BB-8 worries. He never leaves your side, so he sees how you are fading. You can’t hide it anymore. You have lost weight and your eyes show your lack of sleep. Come back from this downward spiral."

Poe was taking it all in and it made him worry. But while he knew how his behavior was wrong, he couldn't bring himself to leave Finn's side. Switching to his serious and slightly defiant face, he spoke his heart out to the general.

"I am sorry, general. I will accept the consequences of my actions but I have to be here. I will not be able to do anything properly until I can hear from him that he is alright. I may put my fellows or myself in danger if I can't focus on what I do and that would be the last thing I want."

Leia's expression shifted to compassion while she slightly squeezed his hands.

"I understand, believe me. And I knew you would not listen to me on that matter so I asked someone to record a message for you."

She pulled a small device from her pocket and placed it in Poe's hands.

"Just give this to BB-8 and listen to the message. Then take your decision, I will accept it and agree to have you on leave until you feel you can be with us again if you so decide. Take care of yourself and remember you are not alone."

Her smile warmed him up. She stood up and left the room while he looked down at the device in his hands. Turning to his faithful droid, he gave it the device and asked it to play it. Rey's face showed up.

"Is it recording?"

The voice of a man could be heard answering her, a voice he never heard before but he speculated it must have been Luke Skywalker.

"Good. Hey Poe, this is Rey. I know we didn't have much time to get to know each other before I left and I hope we'll get to do so when I come back. I have been told by Leia that you were in a bad shape because you are waiting for Finn to wake up. I know he freed you from the First Order, he told us as we met him on Jakku. I understand he means a lot to you and trust me, I worry about his health as well. But think about his reaction when he wakes up and learns you have been so careless about your duties and especially about yourself because of him. He will be mortified, he will blame himself. I know he will. For his sake and yours, you have to give him time and go back to what you do best. Fly that X-wing and fight the First Order. Be the leader you already are."

The message stopped there. BB-8 commented that it missed Rey and was happy to have heard her. Also, it agreed to what she said and added that it missed him.

"But I'm right there."

A few sad beeps and Poe finally understood how much wrong he had done to everyone and especially to those close to him. He turned towards Finn and laid a hand on his.

"That girl, she is quite something. No wonder you like her."

There was admiration in his voice but sadness as well.

"Get well soon. Please."

The next day, Poe showed up at the hangar and everyone greeted his return. They filled him up on what he had missed, made him meet the newest recruits and summed up the latest actions taken by the resistance. Soon, his worries about Finn were stored at the back of his mind, still there but not crippling him.

 

Finn opened his eyes and blinked a few times, staring at the white ceiling of his room. Looking around to check his unfamiliar surroundings, he realized he was in a hospital of some sort. He tried to sit up but a spark of pain from his back made him stop. Slowly and painfully, he was able to finally sit on the side of the bed. He tried to put his thoughts together. His last memory was of their mission on Stakiller Base. He remembered Kylo Ren, his lightsaber shining red light on the white snow. And Rey being thrown in the air, hitting a tree with the most awful sound he ever heard before dropping down, motionless. And his fight with Kylo Ren, with a strength he didn't know he had in him, wielding Luke's lightsaber. And the pain and the smell of burned skin before a complete blackout. No, not complete. He remembered voices, Rey's and Poe's, both soothing.

His back and shoulder were sending waves of pain, yet it was tolerable. Carefully, he put one feet on the cold metal floor, tried to put weight on it and noticed how weak his leg was. He would have tried further but the idea of dropping down on the ground was enough to tell him to stop. Instead, he called out for assistance.

Poe landed his orange and black X-wing and jumped out before racing towards the med bay, BB-8 trying to keep up behind him. He skillfully dodged anyone coming in his way and stopped only once in front of Finn's room, taking his breath back before opening the door. The bed was empty but the sound of water running in the bathroom indicated someone was there. He hesitated for less than a second before going in.

"Finn!"

Startled, the former stormtrooper squealed before looking towards the door.

"Poe? I thought you were out on a mission.

-I was told you had woken up, I came back as soon as I wasn't needed anymore."

Finn could see a wide smile on Poe's face through the foggy atmosphere of the bathroom and it warmed him. The pilot's expression shifted as he realized he was intruding.

"I'll let you finish, sorry. I'll be right next door."

Minutes later, Finn was coming out of the bathroom, a towel on his waist. Poe was sitting on a chair, BB-8 cooing at his side. Slowly, he walked towards the bed. Poe stood up and helped him sit down.

"Tell me how I can help you.

-Since when do you work in the medical area?"

Poe blushed a bit.

"I just want to be sure you are alright.

-Don't worry. They take good care of me here. They helped me get up, it took a while but now I can at least support my own weight. I already know I will need a lot of therapy before I am operational again.

-How long will you be here?

-I don't know yet, a doctor is coming later today to set everything up."

Poe couldn't stop smiling, his eyes full of stars showing his happiness of seeing Finn awake. A beeping noise broke the silence.

"What did he say?

-He is happy to see you well. He missed you."

More beeps that Poe did not translate, looking at his droid in disapprobation.

"Now is not a good time, buddy."

Finn was about to ask about what did BB-8 say, but the room's door slip open and a nurse showed up, saving Poe from explaining.

"I'll leave you to it. I'll come to visit you later, if you'd like?

-Sure, but I'll be alright. Don't let me keep you from your duties."

Poe winked and headed out, followed closely by BB-8 still beeping frantically. Finn's words reflected what Rey told him in her message.

 

A few days later, Poe was filling in reports in his small room, a cold plate of today's supper by his side, when someone knocked on his door.

"Come in!"

The door slid open but he didn't look towards it.

"Hey Poe."

Finn's voice. He dropped his pen and got up to his feet. A quick glance at his room made him realize how much of a mess it was, the only navigable paths being made by BB-8.

"Finn! You're already out?

-They let me come out so I can walk around and see something else than the white walls of my room. I can’t stay away for a long time though."

As usual, Poe was smiling. Finn looked around, detailing Poe's room. Aside from the small bunk on one side and a very simple desk next to it, there was only a cupboard with its door open and clothing falling out of it. The metal ground was covered in clothes, boots and leftovers of food and drinks. The generic bright light was not on, replaced by a string of small lamps hanging from the ceiling, giving the room a cozy atmosphere. Above the bunk, several pictures of Poe with other members of the resistance were the only decoration. Noticing how he was checking around, Poe felt uneasy.

"Excuse the mess. I lack the time to keep up with this place.

-It doesn't matter. You have a nice room, much nicer than mine anyway."

Pushing around stuff with his feet, he cleared a path to his bed and extended his hand towards Finn.

"Please, come sit down, don't stand on the doorstep."

Finn grabbed his hand and let Poe lead him to the bed before sitting down, making it creak a bit. The pilot rolled his chair closer to the bunk and sat down in front of him.

"How do you feel?

-The pain is dulling, but I still get medication for it. The therapy helps a lot, I can walk more or less normally but I still have a hard time lifting stuff. And I get tired very fast, which is annoying."

While he was listening, Poe had taken Finn's hand in his own without even noticing. Finn noticed but didn't complain. BB-8 let out a cooing sound.

"How long will it take for you do be operational again?

-The doctor said it may take at least three more weeks. He doesn't want to rush things, as they are not used to such injuries."

Poe nodded. Finn squeezed his hand, his expression shifting to worry.

"Poe. I have heard you were sick lately, are you alright?"

Poe was surprised of his concern.

"I was not sick."

BB-8 couldn't refrain itself from beeping in disagreement.

"What did he say? I'll really have to learn that language.

-He said I was, but it's not entirely true. I was fine physically, I was just... I worried about you.

-Worried? But there was people taking care of me.

-Yes, but I wanted to see you awake to have the confirmation you were out of danger.

-And... It made you sick?"

Poe could not back out of this any longer, he had to explain.

"I... I spent about a month in your room, sleeping there next to you. I almost quit eating. I didn't go on any mission. I have been careless about my health, I neglected my duties and many worried about me. Even BB-8 was worried."

The droid confirmed.

"You did all that because of me?"

Poe noticed how Finn's expression had shifted again. He saw what Rey had foretold. He saw him silently blaming himself.

"It's not your fault! The general had to come shake me, I was unreachable. In the end, it's Rey who was able to snap me out of it.

-I thought she was away.

-She is. She sent me a message. She is incredible, really. How I envy you for spending time with such an inspiring person."

Finn smiled but there was sadness in it. He missed her dearly. Yet, he was comforted in Poe's presence, squeezing even more at the anchor of his rugged hand. That warm presence felt good and reminded him of how he kept holding Rey's hand when they were chased by the First Order on Jakku, and how she kept saying she didn't need him to hold her hand. But truly, it was him who needed that human contact he lacked all his life. And now, Poe was providing it without asking, without complaining.

"You must be tired. I'll walk you back to the med bay."

Finn nodded and followed Poe, their hands still locked together until the pilot offered his arm so Finn could rest part of his weight on him. As they arrived to his room, he didn't want to let go.

"Do you want me to stay until you are asleep?

-I don't want to keep you from...

-I wouldn't offer if I wasn't ready to accept. Actually, I am not giving you a choice. I am staying."

Finn smiled, silently thanking him through his eyes. They laid on the hospital bed, Finn's head buried in Poe's neck. He fell asleep fast, soon followed by Poe. By the door, BB-8 made a cooing sound and turned the lights off before going to sleep mode as well. For all three of them, it was the best night they had in a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from Oscar Isaac’s song “Never Had” in 10 Years, which I have been listening to a lot while writing this.
> 
> I have not yet planned a follow up but I may write one if inspiration hits me.


End file.
